A month ago, during my weekly softball game, I broke my hand. My right hand. Like the hand I use to sign checks, flip pancakes, brush my teeth and style my afro.
For those who don't know me that well, I'm a list maker. When I have stuff to do, it goes on the list. When it's done, I happily cross it off the list. Sometimes I even complete a task then write it on my list just so I can cross it off.
After surgery, I seriously struggled with being left handed. I wanted to operate like normal, which was impossible so I spent the majority of my time frustrated. I was in pain, unable to cross stuff off my list and it was maddening.
After trying and failing to open a bag of Sun Chips one-handed, I threw myself face down on the couch and screamed into a pillow. Yes, like a three year old. I know, it's just a stupid bag of chips, but that day it was the twentieth thing I attempted and couldn't do. For crying out loud, I just wanted to eat those chips!
Feeling chip deprived and sorry for myself, something clicked. In that moment I stopped resisting--Stopped resisting that I was unable use my right hand until it was healed. Stopped resisting that it took me five times as long to do things with my left hand. Stopped resisting that my hair was completely out of control. Stopped resisting the need to ask for help. I just let go and stopped resisting altogether.
Was it possible that what I felt like happened to me actually happened for me? Maybe the Universe was trying to show me something I couldn't see before because I spent so much time and effort crossing items off my precious list.
Since my tantrum, I've been doing the best I can to find healing. For now, that means setting aside my lists and doing one thing each day that brings me joy. Some days I take a walk to be a part of nature, or dance around my living room to my favorite song, or take a few extra minutes to climb the steep marble steps to my roof deck and meditate under the big blue California sky.
You'll be happy to hear that my left handed abilities have greatly improved--along with my attitude. I'm being much more patient and kind to myself. It only took me six minutes to write out my rent check! My printing has gone from looking like a first grader to resembling a fourth grader so I totally have that going for me. Oh! I almost forgot. Today I get the pin removed from my hand so I won't be a lefty for much longer!